Relationship hurdles, Martin says he has abandoned three girlfriends

“It is very difficult to find a marriage material lady,” says Martin.

I met Martin, my old school friend, at a cafe a few months ago. He was our high school head prefect. I was 3 years below him.

“Are you married” he asked me seeing rings on my finger. I answered him in the affirmative”You?” I asked. “No, I am not about to bury myself alive”.

That statement got me curious. Given that marriage and relationships is my expertise. I got to digging. Our conversation was interesting and shocking at the same time.

He told me he had walked away from 3 serious relationships just because the ladies failed to measure up to his ideal wife material woman. At first, I thought, ‘he must be really picky’, but no, he wasn’t.

He said one instance, the lady was too lazy to even clear the table after a take away meal, couldn’t do laundry or even iron his shirts. Another was extremely aggressive and bold. She was always strongly opposing his decisions, boldly speaking her mind and very persuaded to pursue her dreams no matter what.

He could hardly imagine a future submissive wife, in such a woman.
Then came Anna, she was as luxurious as the queen herself. She wanted everything expensive and didn’t care about the cost. He struggled to save something as her shopping list never ran out.

He made another statement that was also pretty interesting;

“I think marriage material women faded out in my mother’s generation. Most ladies born after the 1980’s can hardly sustain a marriage. I wonder if they have been raised right to understand their roles in marriage”.

This statement sent me searching for what could be the reasons behind his conclusion. And yes, I agree. Some girls in this generation have missed the proper pre- marriage mentorship into what a true wife should be in regard to qualities.

I know that most ladies have embarked on the journey for equality in the sexes, which should only be in the market place. However, we should always remember to refer to the basics of why God created a woman in the first place, because; “Ignorance of purpose makes abuse inevitable”.

Why did Martin compare his mother to his current dates?

  1. Most women over the age of forty are still married to their husbands. Divorce and separation has just become rampant in the past 3 decades.

This is simply because most wives then, understood that the man is the head…the leader and their roles were to be supporters and followers; not competitors.

  1. These women understood the meaning of treating a husband like a “master” – king. Whereby, his warm bathing water, his serving utensils, his chair and clothes were all treated with ultimate respect. So the husband enjoyed some kind of royalty, which kept him feeling important.
  2. These women knew how to honor their husbands. Call it submission. Whether he came back home late, he always found his food warm, and the wife got up and served the food. When he spoke, the wife never opposed.

His word was always final. Nowadays, in the current generation, relationships and marriages are like parliamentary seating with the exchange of ‘blows’ where the opposition is constantly antagonizing the ruling authority. Everybody wants their own share of authority. There’s God ordained hierarchy in marriage. And the bible is very clear on that.

But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. I Corinthians 11:3 NKJV.

Have you ever asked yourself why God the designer of all things…your maker, says the man is the head?

  1. It’s amusing how wives lament about exhaustion to give in to daily sex, yet our mothers; who used most of their physical energy doing tedious work, always served their husbands with pleasure. I thought the introduction of health clubs in our generation is supposed to make the game even simpler and more pleasurable! Sex is number one need for men, they must have it. So the wife needs to find ways to keep fit in order to match the demand.
  2. And of course hard work. All domestic work was always meant for the wife. That’s the area where man needed help. Ever wonder why designed the woman for child birth, not a man! It’s because she was meant to stay at home, nurse the children while the man provided.

However, I do note the evolution and civilization. And yes, I believe in the wives supporting husbands financially. But our place in the domestic work should be very clear, so as to avoid clashing over who’s supposed to do laundry or cook the food or at least ensure it is done.

Now, I know that I may sound like I’m so old school, but there’s no man that wouldn’t want a submissive, respectful and home maker kind of wife. That’s the ideal woman of the bible, a virtuous woman of Proverbs 31.

Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She also rises while it is yet night, and provides food for her household and a portion for her maidservants.

She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness. She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: Proverbs 31:10-11, 15, 26-28 NKJV

That’s the kind of woman that will stand out, attract and keep a man glued to herself.

What kind of woman are you?


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